THE THREE MUSKETEERS

The Three Musketeers (2011)
Grade: C
Starring: Logan Lerman, Matthew McFadyen, Christoph Waltz, Milla Jovovich, Ray Stevenson, Luke Evans, Orlando Bloom, Mads Mikkelsen, Freddie Fox, Gabriella Wilde and Juno Temple.
PREMISE: The teenage son of a musketeer joins forces with a famous trio of France's special defenders as their country nears the brink of potential war with England in the early 1600s.

RATED PG-13 for action/adventure violence

Disney’s remake of The Three Musketeers is nothing spectacular, but, then, how could it really be? Based on one of the most well-known stories of all time (originating with Alexandra Dumas’ classic book), and following at least three other film versions, director Paul W.S. Anderson nonetheless strives to give his adaptation of the fabled story a new-age, glossy umph, a la Sherlock Holmes. The result is a mixed bag—a movie that will thrill younger/entertainment-seeking viewers with its action and moments of comedy, but a clunker as far as character development and serious moviemaking go.

Plot: Not long after Athos (Matthew McFadyen), Porthos (Ray Stevenson) and Aramis (Luke Evans) are betrayed during their quest to retrieve Leonardo Da Vinci’s designs for a flying warship, they are sought out by country-raised D’Artagnan (Logan Lerman), whose father was a musketeer and who desires nothing more than to likewise be one. He finds the three heroes “retired” and rather embittered, but their services as guardians of the crown are soon needed once again. After all, France’s king, Louis the 13th, is a teenager (Freddie Fox) whose chief adviser, Cardinal Richelieu (Christoph Waltz) has been scheming with the English Duke of Buckingham (Orlando Bloom) to start a war between their nations, thereby giving the more experienced Cardinal a more prominent place of influence. Helping them is someone the musketeers know all too well, Milady de Winter (Milla Jovovich), a skilled thief and swords-woman who was once part of their team. The plans, the musketeers find, may involve seduction, robbery, murder and an attempt to turn the king against one of those dearest to him.

What Doesn’t Work?
For one, the pacing. I know this movie has to remain at least somewhat faithful to the book from which its story was derived, and, no, I have not reading Dumas’ epic, but much of the film’s early going borders on the ridiculous. For instance, once in Paris, D’Artagnan meets the girl of his dreams (Gabriella Wilde) and wins the approval of the titular heroes in the same scene, just after “happening” to meet all three musketeers one after another, at “random”, in about two minutes of screen time. Another laughable development is the idea that D’Artagnan, on his first ever venture from home without his parents, would, at his very first stop, not only intentionally aggravate somebody (the Captain of the Kingsguard-played by Mads Mikkelsen-no less), but do so in such preening, oafish fashion (“My horse is sensitive, you see. So I’m going to have to ask you to apologize to her.”) that it's ludicrous. (Oh, and am I the only person who, once I learned the horse’s name was Buttercup, couldn’t stop thinking of The Princess Bride?) Anyway, once the action starts, Musketeers proves more entertaining, yet it’s all easy-peasy action—you never feel like the heroes are in real danger (this is one of those movies where the good guys can’t miss and the bad guys can’t hit the broad side of a barn). Also of note is the fact that one of the climactic swordfights lasts forever.

It probably goes without saying that this isn’t a movie that cares a whole lot about character development, but that still won’t keep me from complaining about the flashy but largely paper-thin ensemble. D’Artagnan, played by the bland Lerman, is an annoyingly-smug nitwit who’s uninvolving even by the fairly-low standards of blockbuster leading men. The three musketeers barely register as individual people (Athos alone is given any semblance of an actual personality, probably because he’s played by McFadyen, of Pride & Prejudice fame). Jovovich works hard as Milady-probably because she’s delighted to be in something other than a Resident Evil sequel-but she’s saddled with the task of playing one of those characters who flip-flops so often that you can't decipher her allegiance even at the film’s end. The only actors who make real impressions are the enjoyably feisty Bloom as the swaggering duke, an effective Freddie Fox as the earnest King Louis, and Waltz, who could do lowbrow villainy like this in his sleep.

There’s also a running gag involving the Musketeers’ clumsy butler (James Corden) that gets old about as soon as it starts.

What Works?
The movie looks spectacular. The animation put into bringing the cities (London, Paris) to life is breathtaking, as are the eye-popping, brightly-colored costumes sported by, in particular, the king and the duke. There’s at least one inventive stunt that you don’t really see coming, there are a few real laughs to be had, and, as I mentioned, not all the actors are phoning this in. Most importantly, Musketeers is chock-full of Pirates of the Caribbean-esque swordfights, gunfights, chase scenes, and cannon barrages, so it should satisfy anyone seeking some action-packed light entertainment.

Content?
About as squeaky-clean as contemporary blockbusters get. There’s lots of fighting, but barely a drop of blood. There's a considerable amount of cleavage on display, as well--deriving from the tight-fitting, low-cut bodices on the women—but the most sensual things get is a handful of very chaste kisses. This is a light PG-13, suitable for all but the youngest viewers.

Bottom Line (I Promise):
A shallow but moderately-entertaining take on the classic tale-and, apparently, likely give us a sequel-The Three Musketeers is a harmless, forgettable film.

The Three Musketeers (2011)
Based on the Book "The Three Musketeers" by Alexandre Dumas
Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson
Written by Alex Litvak and Andrew Davies
Rated PG-13 for action violence
Length: 110 minutes