NORWAY: Five Days of Love, Thunder, and Disbelief
Last Thursday, July 7, 2022, Norway’s Women’s National Soccer Team played its first match of the Women’s 2022 European Championship. A talented all-star squad featuring women who play for the best teams in England and Spain shone in a comprehensive 4-1 win over Northern Ireland, at the same time kicking off a short but interesting whirlwind saga I won’t forget for some time. One that included a movie, a deliriously-giddy (if farfetched) bit of vacation planning, and one of the most unbelievable sporting events I’ve ever watched.
The first thing you need to know is that Norway’s Women’s Soccer Team holds a special place in my heart. I have been watching soccer hardcore since the Summer of 2019, the same summer the last Women’s World Cup was played. I’d never watched any women’s soccer before, let alone a major event, but, with my burgeoning interest in “the beautiful game”, I became transfixed. That summer, the U.S. Women’s National Team would roll to a second consecutive World Cup win, making headlines mostly for an almost disturbing 13-0 mauling of Thailand in their opening round match, but the team that really caught my eye was Norway.
Norway won the first match of that tournament that I got to watch in its entirety—Norway vs Nigeria, with the Scandinavians coming out on top 3-0. In that match and others, I noticed one superficial and un-sports-related thing: hey, ladies from Norway are pretty attractive! Later, I watched that team win an epic 1-1 draw, complete with decisive penalty shootout, over Australia in the tournament's Sweet Sixteen. Plus, I realized I liked the idea of Norway because of its Scandinavian/Viking roots; I’ve been a pretty big fan of the Thor movies, after all, and even have a large rubber replica of Thor’s famous hammer, Mjolnir, sitting on my windowsill.
Norway dropped out of the 2019 Women’s World Cup in their next game after that epic Australia win—a tough 3-0 loss to England in the last eight. But I followed a few of the players on Instagram, and, from then on, the whole concept of Norway resonated with me. I even tried a couple of times to write a story set in a Scandinavian-type world, complete with as many of the Norwegian surnames as I could fit in: Reiten, Engen, Mjelde, Minde, Hjelmseth…
So, fast-forward back to last Thursday (Thursday being a term originally derived from “Thor’s Day”-- no really, look it up). As Norway was kicking off its first match of the currently-ongoing European Championship tournament, I started lighting up my best friend with “oo-rah Norway”-type chats. Now, my friend doesn’t particularly care about soccer, but he does have a very strong affinity for Norse mythology. Starting when he began playing Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla in the winter of 2020, he became near-obsessed with Norse and Viking culture. He devoured the History Channel series Vikings, read every book he could find on the subject, ordered blankets, pillows, and coffee mugs emblazoned with ancient Viking symbols, and was delighted a few months ago when I got him a gift of a decorative plate showing an ancient Viking longboat. He even ordered an old Scandinavian dice game, Orlog, which sits prominently in our living room entertainment center—not that we’ve played it.
Anyway, as Norway’s Women’s National Team carved up Northern Ireland, I chatted my roommate up about how awesome and badass Norway is. The next day, as fate (or Internet algorithms) would have it, one of the first videos visible on my YouTube homepage was a travel video, Top 10 Places in Norway by Ryan Shirley. I have a near-manic desire to travel, so I watch a lot of YouTube videos about other countries (including the well-traveled Shirley’s), but I hadn’t watched anything Norway-related, so I don’t know how that video was advertised to me. In any case, I watched it, and was blown away by gorgeous images of mountains, rivers, fjords and little towns right out of a storybook. On a whim, I sent it to my roommate, saying he should watch if he was interested. On another whim, I half-jokingly chatted: Bro, we should go to Norway. His response: I’d be down.
He’d be down ?!?!?!?!
My best friend would actually potentially be interested in going with me on a trip to Norway?!
Well, it set my imagination on fire. I told myself he hadn’t committed to anything, he has a couple of vacations (the Outer Banks, Nashville) planned for the rest of this calendar year and wouldn’t have many paid days off from work available, but I still couldn’t help it: I could go to Norway, and with my best friend! BROOOO TRIIIIIP
I tried to keep it low-key, but I watched a couple of Norway travel videos and about blew apart Google checking the distances between prominent places in the Scandinavian country. There are so many tasty options for a visit. Oslo--the capital. Trondheim--a major hub that was the capital back in the viking days. Tromso—the largest city in northern Norway, well above the Arctic Circle. The Svalbard Islands—one of the northernmost human habitations on the planet, with more polar bears than people. Geirangerfjord—a huge, stunning fjord that ranks #1 in more than one online “Top Places to Visit in Norway” list. Jotenheimen National Park—a national park dominated by snow-capped peaks that derives its name from one of Norse mythology’s Nine Realms (Jotenheim = “Land of the Giants”).
Even in my feverish excitement, there were more than a few obstacles standing in the way of me and a fantasy trip to Norway. Such as—the fact that Norway is a long way from central Virginia, and a flight alone would cost a pretty penny; it’s not an English-speaking country, so I need to really have my ducks in a row before I went; a lot of the tastiest sites are not close together, so there could be the small matter of booking and taking buses or trains multiple times in a trip of any length; and, finally, the not-insignificant fact that my best friend chose not to get the COVID vaccination. I know we are, momentarily, in a world where COVID is no longer the top story and countries and airlines alike appear to be softening their travel restrictions, but, even with some research, I had difficulty confirming whether my friend would be able to fly at all, much less into a country a third of the way around the world, without the vaccine.
Saturday, as all these ideas were swirling, my friend and I went to see Thor: Love and Thunder. I’m far from the MCU’s biggest fan – I haven’t watched half of the DisneyPlus series the company has released, in addition to skipping the most recent Dr. Strange film – but Thor’s fantasy aspects have also been an intriguing addition to the superhero filmography.
I thought Thor: Love and Thunder was pretty good. It was fun, though how “fun” it is may depend on how appreciative one is of the MCU’s near constant attempts at humor. I think it was 2014’s snarky Guardians of the Galaxy that started it—these days, the MCU films can’t seem to go more than 10 seconds without some attempt at humor, be it an innuendo, a pratfall, a quip, some tongue-in-cheek commentary, or something else intended to prompt laughter. While I chuckle at my fair share of these, it does get tiresome, often rendering the dramatic moments less effective than they would be (even characters’ death scenes, if not quickly glossed over, often contain some humorous element). Poor Chris Hemsworth, a hulk of a man who’s also a good dramatic actor when given the opportunity, was reduced for 2/3 of the movie to playing a doofus who is always the dumbest and most out-of-touch person in the room.
Overall, Love and Thunder wasn’t bad. The special effects were first-rate (including a dazzling black-and-white-and-some-color action sequence straight out of Sin City), the film brought back Natalie Portman’s Jane Foster and gave her plenty to do, and gave us one of the MCU’s most intriguing villains, Gorr the God Butcher. The role of this balding, scarred, frothing megalomaniac is one I imagine the actor Christian Bale—a serious actor’s thespian well-known for his intensity and chameleonic devotion to a role—took on with some eagerness, and which he played with considerable relish.
Nutshell: while Love and Thunder has its moments of high entertainment and may be one of the better Thor movies, there’s a sameness to the glitzy effects, easily-resolved storyline, disposable villain (Bale’s strong performance notwithstanding) and constant attempts at humor that make it just another entry in the MCU's enjoyable-but-cookie-cutter mold.
I’d give it a 7 out of 10.
So, while the newest Thor movie has little to do Norway or even Norse Mythology (outside of the constant mentions of Mjolnir and Asgard and callbacks to Loki, Odin, and Valhalla), watching it while considering a trip to Norway definitely gave me a little chill.
Post-movie, I was left mulling over the possibilities of a Norway trip, while also remaining befuddled (despite constant research) as to whether my friend could even get on a plane out of the US given his vaccination status.
Well, about mid-morning today, Monday, my friend approached me and told me he would pass “for now” on a Norway trip. He said the last few days had “planted the seed”, but he had a busy fall ahead of him, with limited free vacation time, and said that if he was to go to Norway, he would want to “really go” (a sentiment I appreciate). I wasn’t surprised by his decision and, frankly, it saved me some hand-wringing and pressurized planning.
Norway’s on the list, though. And now at least I have a framework for what I’d want to base a trip around!
Lastly, this afternoon, Norway’s Women’s National Team had their 2nd game of the 2022 European Championship, against England. This was widely predicted to be a must-watch affair, with a large crowd cheering on tournament hosts England, who had some questions to be answered after squeaking out a1-0 win over Austria in their tournament opener. Given the talent Norway boosted and the class they’d showed against Northern Ireland, it was thought that this could-be classic encounter, a too-close-to-call clash and possibly a preview of how things could go for two of the tournaments betting favorites.
Then England scored six goals in the first half.
You may know this: soccer is a low-scoring game. The field is big, the ball is small, the nets are protected by goalies, not a lot of goals are scored.
Sometimes, when two teams of relatively equal talent are involved, there are few or no goals. And yes, outside of winner-take-all tournament games, it is possible for a 90-minute soccer game to end 0-0.
So, six goals in one half by one team is almost unheard of. If a team scores three goals in a half and the other scores none, it’s generally thought that the losing team is on life support. Four goals pretty much means you’ve lost. Five, yeah, there are a couple of famous soccer games in recent years where a team was up 5-0 in the first half (one game where a team had lost a man to a red card and played with a numerical disadvantage, and then there was Brazil’s meltdown on home soil in the 2014 World Cup semis).
But six?!
As big of a sports fan as I am, I’ve seen plenty of ridiculously one-sided blowouts. From NCAA Tournament Round of 64 affairs where blue chip teams like Duke and Kentucky play “small school squads” that are just happy to be there, to the Seattle Seahawks full-bore mauling of Peyton Manning's Broncos in the 2013 Super Bowl, to that UFC pay-per-view 3 summers ago where Jorge Masival knocked out Ben Askren with a flying knee to the face about 5 seconds in…I’ve seen some blowouts.
I’ve seen some blowouts. But those are usually in matches that clearly lopsided going in (for instance, no one thought Thailand was going to lay a finger on Team USA back in 2019, and they didn’t). Or there’s some other major development early, like one team loses a player to a red card so one team has a numerical advantage—a big difference in a game with such a large field.
But this was nuts.
I guess England were favored going into the game, since it’s soccer and it’s England and they were playing in front of a large crowd in England. But they’d only won their first game 1-0, and Norway had won theirs 4-1. This was supposed to be a stiff test. And England destroyed them; they beat them like they weren’t there! England’s attackers raced through defense that offered no more resistance than T-shirts hanging on a clothesline. Every time they hit a ball into the box, it was a goal! It was already a 3-0, can-you-believe-this scoreline, then England scored three goals in seven minutes near the end of the half! The Norwegian players looked so shocked, so overwhelmed, that they looked like they barely knew they were playing in a game.
And, for me, this guy who had rooted for them in 2019 and who had, for a short time, been plotting a trip to their country, this was bad. In many of the blowouts I mentioned, I was either a casual fan or didn’t care about the outcome. This time, I cared, and I can’t remember if I’ve ever actually watched a more shocking, awful performance by a team I was rooting for. I really can’t.
Norway were better in the second half. They didn’t come back. They didn’t make it close. They didn’t score any goals. But—hey!—at least they only gave up two goals in the second half; they only lost 8-0 when there was a real question whether they were going to get humiliated by double digits in soccer.
It was a record-breaking performance. Delirium and delight for England, with their biggest-ever win in a European Championship tournament, and abject dismay for Norway, their worst-ever loss. This is a team full of star players, who have won the European Championship twice before (England have won it exactly 0 times).
During this game, I went on a wild emotional journey. From optimistic to tense to disappointed to really disappointed to shocked, awed, horrified, disbelieving, dismayed and darkly, darkly amused (I swore so many times I’m not proud of it, and I joked with myself on more than one occasion that Norway could sense that I wasn’t going to visit their country soon after all, and it had taken the wind out of their sails).
All that said--and I know this is said a lot in sports--but it’s only one game. No really, it is. England qualified for the Elite Eight, the knockout stage of this tournament, by virtue of winning the game and thus capturing key points in a points-based value system I don’t have time to explain right now. Norway are left reeling (and probably crying themselves to sleep tonight), but they aren’t out of it. They have one game left to qualify for the Elite Eight, for which a lot of people had them penciled in—this Friday, they’ll have to beat Austria. And they have to win. A tie can sometimes be rewarding in soccer, but Norway just got beaten so badly, their only chance to move forward is to win.
So, to answer Jim Carrey’s famous question so you’re tellin’ me there’s a chance, yes, there is a chance.
Just as there is a chance that, one day, I will go to Norway. A strong chance. My fiancĂ©e and I are both keen, imaginative travelers, Europe is one of our main destinations, and my friend said this whole experience had “planted the seed”, didn’t he?
One day, I’ll go to Norway. A land formerly of vikings. A place where the concepts of Thor, Asgard, and Valhalla originated. A place where you can see the Northern Lights. A place where, in places, the sun never goes down. A place where, in places, polar bears outnumber humans. A place of mountains, of fjords, of unique, exciting cities and storybook little towns. A place where they love soccer.
A place with another language, a unique cultural identity, some beautiful scenery, and where a guy like me could one day have a vacation out of his wildest dreams.
