WRATH OF THE TITANS

Wrath of the Titans (2012)
Grade: C-
Starring: Sam Worthington, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, Edgar Ramirez, Toby Kebbell, Rosamund Pike, John Bell and Bill Nighy
PREMISE: God/man Perseus must battle powerful otherworldly creatures, retrieve a supernatural weapon, and navigate an impossible labyrinth in order to save his father, the god Zeus, and stop a monster unlike any other from being unleashed on Ancient Greece.

RATED PG-13 for violence and scary images

I’m one of the only people I know who actually embraced 2010’s Clash of the Titans, a quick little effects-driven odyssey about a demigod (half human/half god), Perseus (Sam Worthington), who was looking to save Ancient Greece from dark supernatural powers. Most of the naysayers I know were displeased with the film’s lack of heart and character development; conversely, I think I liked it because I didn’t expect it to be The Lord of the Rings or Braveheart or something (we’ve been spoiled with several actual really good, deep battle movies in recent years). To me, Clash of the Titans was what it was supposed to be, a fast-paced swords-and-sandals flick with plenty of action, some cool effects, some mythological mumbo-jumbo, a hot babe (Gemma Arterton) and a super-masculine dude looking to win that babe by being heroic (Worthington).

However, its sequel, Wrath of the Titans, which came out this past Friday, can’t even manage that. The hot babe (Rosamund Pike) could barely have been used less, the primary villain (Edgar Ramirez’s Ares) is a mopey man-child, the special effects are pretty crappy (fake-looking Cyclops, Pegasus, Minotaur, etc…) and the dialogue is so bad its only memorable line is the previous film’s best line (“Release the Kraken”) mentioned in passing. To me, Wrath was flat-out boring--something no hour-and-a-half action flick is supposed to be--and I couldn’t wait for it to be over so I could go do something productive.

Plot: About ten years after his legendary defeat of the Kraken, Perseus has just buried his wife (sadly, the adorable Arterton does not appear in this film), and, with his sword and armor hidden away, spends his time trying to raise his young son Helius (John Bell) as an ordinary, boring human fisherman. But, soon enough, the land is again being menaced by creatures from the Underworld, and other worlds, and Perseus has to let his savior/warrior flag fly. Turns out Ares (another half-human son of Zeus) has joined up with Hades (Ralph Fiennes) and decided to win immortality by freeing his and Zeus's (Liam Neeson) father, Kronos, who can only be awoken from imprisonment/hibernation by being fed someone’s power, and Ares and Hades have decided it should be Zeus’s. Outmatched and in desperate need of help, Zeus pleas with Perseus, his son, to save him, even if it means a trip to Tartarus, the Underworld prison that is both impossible to find and, if found, impossible to navigate. And the only thing that can possibly defeat Kronos, if he is revived, is the Spear of Triam, a kind of super-weapon made up of Zeus’ Thunderbolt, Hades’ Pitchfork, and Poseidon’s Trident. So Perseus sets off at once, aided by a fugitive (Toby Kebbell) known as “The Navigator”, the warrior queen Andromeda (Pike) and the half-crazy old blacksmith (Bill Nighy) who designed the Spear of Triam, to reclaim the weapon and navigate the prison. Dogging their steps is Ares, who has long despised Perseus for being Zeus' favorite son.

What Works?
Not a lot. Nighy is a bit of fun, but his character is disposed of way too quickly. The only actor who truly seems to have a sense of conviction is Fiennes, who’s probably glad to have his nose back (he was denied it in his popular gig as Harry Potter super villain Voldemort over the last half-decade). Hades is the only character who’s really interesting or menacing at all, even if he gets some annoyingly-whiny dialogue (apparently, Bro issues can be as bad as Daddy issues, as evidenced by Hades’ pining for acceptance from Zeus). Neeson is about 50/50—he could do this in his sleep, but he, too, has some conviction. And the only time Wrath approaches the level of campy fun it’s clearly shooting for is when Hades and Zeus put aside their differences and take on some nasty baddies by blasting them out of the way just by thrusting their palms in the monsters’ general directions.

What Doesn’t Work?
Just about everything else. Worthington, whenever he’s stationary enough to actually try and act, does his usual ruggedly-masculine-yet-sensitive routine; it’s just a shame that he doesn’t do anything he hasn’t already done in Avatar, Terminator: Salvation, or Clash. Pike has a gorgeous face (as evidenced by some breathtaking close-ups) but is saddled with what has to be one of the most thankless roles in recent movie history—for a Warrior Queen, she's almost never shown fighting anyone and she’s never shown acting with any queenly authority. And, considering she’s the only female around, you figure she and Worthington are supposed to develop something, but there’s not a whiff of chemistry between them (and the movie doesn’t try at all--their one kiss, which was shown in the trailers, was probably only filmed to try and lure date-going couples into the theater). Elsewhere, Ares, as mentioned, is just a whiny beefcake, and Kebbell is slightly engaging but his character has nowhere to go--a fact that becomes obvious pretty fast.

Of course, Wrath isn’t supposed to be about the acting, but there are lots of other problems besides a lack of any discernible character development (in anyone but Fiennes and Neeson, that is): the action is mostly incomprehensible, there are gaps in logic everywhere, the storyline stinks and it's hard to follow, most attempts at humor are borderline pathetic, and the entire plot hinges on the ridiculous notion that the flesh-and-blood Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon (Danny Huston, in a tiny part) are offspring of a giant lava monster. Speaking of Kronos, I can’t have been the only person scratching my head over Perseus’ figuring that the best way to combat the monster was to fly his Pegasus straight through the clouds of molten lava being chucked at him. If I were that Pegasus (which only ever appears in the film exactly when, and where, Perseus needs it), I’d sue, or at least find an owner with more concern for my well-being.

There’s also a serious breach of logic when the primary trio (Worthington, Pike, Kebbell) gets lost in the ever-shifting labyrinth of Tartarus’ many massive passageways, yet still end up exactly where they need to get to save Zeus (presumably, somewhere in the middle or at the far end) in about five minutes.

Content:
Some of the monsters are flaming demons that look moderately scary and stab and slash the hell out of some unimportant faceless CGI people, but the real problem for parents with little kids is likely going to be the kids’ frequently asking what’s going on, and parents’ being unable to tell them. The action is furious but pretty bloodless, and even bloodied or bruised people tend to noticeably improve from scene to scene, even if only minutes or even seconds passed. Wrath is intense but inordinately silly.

Bottom Line:
If you really want action, go see John Carter, Act of Valor, or 21 Jump Street. If you want more human touches, watch The Hunger Games or Mirror Mirror. If you want to see something that’s only occasionally so bad it’s funny, and almost never so bad it’s good (mostly just so bad that it’s, well, bad), well...I still can’t really recommend this. Inoffensive but instantly forgettable, Wrath of the Titans is miles from being a must-see.

Wrath of the Titans (2012)
Directed by Jonathan Liebesman
Written by Dan Mazeau, Greg Berlanti and David Leslie Johnson; from a story by Beverley Cross
Length: 99 minutes
Rated PG-13